


the first step is always the hardest

by YOONSONGHEE



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempted Murder, Bruises, Crying, Injury, Lee Seokmin | DK-centric, M/M, Violence, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26792575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOONSONGHEE/pseuds/YOONSONGHEE
Summary: Out of the whole group, only 3 out of the 13 of them know about Seungbin and that’s how Seokmin intended for it to stay. There was nothing else he wanted more than to put everything behind him and forget about it all.But he couldn't
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Lee Seokmin | DK/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	the first step is always the hardest

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my drafts since July so I'm finally going to complete this! I feel like the writing style is a bit weird since it's from a couple of months ago but hopefully, it's still okay!

According to others, Seokmin was a nice person, maybe even a great one. It was easy to talk with him, as he never allowed someone to feel awkward and ensured that the cadence of the conversation flowed smoothly. He was a fun person to be around and there was never a dull moment when he was around and despite his joyful, lighthearted personality one was able to see how hardworking he was and how he always strived for the best.

One late night when he was feeling down about himself, Seungkwan and Soonyoung had assured him that he was somebody people loved to be around and that he was the type of person most people wished they had in his life. Even though tears were streaming down his face as he shovelled ice cream into his mouth, he took their words to heart as he thought highly of his friends and those kind words would always come to his mind whenever he was having a bad day.

However, the kind voices of his friends became silent during his six months in hell.

•••

When Seokmin first met Seungbin, it was in his first year of university around halfway through the year. He had been in the library studying for a class he had been falling behind in when Seungbin came up to him. That should have been the first red flag, why would someone two years older than him come to him out of the blue? Instead, he allowed himself to be blinded, his mind in a state of disbelief at being asked on a date by someone so handsome who he thought was out of his league. It seemed like a dream even after they had exchanged numbers and Seokmin pinched himself hard to make sure it was real.

He was so giddy with excitement that he ran to Soonyoung’s dorm room to tell him and even banged his leg against the doorway. They both laughed it off as Soonyoung rejoiced that his friend had ‘finally found love’ ignoring the steadily growing bruise on Seokmin’s leg.

•••

It was hard to pinpoint where it all went wrong. 

Perhaps it was obvious and Seokmin was just to dumb to realise that his relationship was not of the norm, maybe he was too far into his bliss convincing himself that he had found a seemingly perfect relationship that he didn’t notice the warnings that the bond between them would go sour. He shouldn’t have been surprised; one thing that was consistent in his life was that nothing was perfect.

The earliest warning that Seokmin could remember was when he went out to dinner with Seungbin after they both had finished their exam week. It wasn’t the first incident, at least it couldn’t be, but that was the first one that he could remember vividly. They had gone to a decent restaurant to celebrate surviving their exams, Seungbin listened to him ramble on about his week and laughed whenever he said something funny. The facade Seungbin put up led him to believe that he was genuinely interested in what Seokmin had to say until Seokmin took notice of how tight and stiff his face was whenever he smiled and how he avoided looking at him whenever he laughed. They had finished eating when Seokmin had gone outside to make his way to the car while Seungbin quickly went to the toilet. He was stopped however by a guy around his age who looked quite shy and embarrassed so he gave him what he hoped was a soft smile.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Um, I need to get to Myeong-dong street, do you know where that is?” It was clear that the other was a foreigner due to his accent however, Seokmin said nothing about it and instead instructed him where to go, scared that the guy would get lost if he didn’t.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that last bit please?”

“Ah yes, turn left at Oksang Dalbit and then after that just go straight and you should be there”

“Oh okay, thank you so much!”

Seokmin smiled at him and waved as he watched the guy continue walking, however all of a sudden he felt a tight grip around his wrist and felt himself being forcefully dragged away from where he was standing. He was on high alert at first until he turned his head to see that it was Seungbin holding onto him, and then all he felt was confusion as to why his boyfriend seemed so angry. When they finally reached the car, Seungbin let go of his wrist and aggressively gestured at the car door as he went round to the driver’s seat. Seokmin entered hesitantly, wary of his boyfriend’s bad mood.

They sat down in silence for five minutes before Seungbin said a word.

“Who was that?” each word punctuated with simmering anger.

“I don’t know-”

Seungbin banging his hand against the console brought his sentence to an abrupt halt

“Don’t give me that bullshit Seokmin!” 

Seokmin took in a shuddering breath before daring to answer back.

“I swear I don’t know who he is hyung. He was just asking for directions and I gave them”

“Then why were you so close to him? Why was he staring at you so intently like that? You hadn’t even realised I was there”

“It’s called being polite and maybe if you trusted me this wouldn’t be an issue!” Seokmin muttered trying to stay calm when the older was acting so irrational.

Without warning, Seungbin’s hand shot out to grab at the back of his hair and drag his face close to his. His blood froze in his body as he stared into Seungbin’s eyes and only saw hatred and rage. In the three months that they had been together, the elder had always been calm and collected, always talking to Seokmin with such sweet words. He always felt so loved whenever they were together, but those precious memories were shattered within seconds as he was able to finally see who his boyfriend was under his facade.

“Don’t talk back to me. Don’t raise your voice at me. Okay?”

Seokmin gulped before shakily nodding his head, his eyes tearing up.

“I’ll let it slide this once just don’t act up again, okay babe?”

“O-okay hyung”

Seungbin gave a small, stiff smile before he placed a kiss on his cheek, slowly loosening his grip on his hair. He returned his hands to the steering wheel and took a deep breath before turning around and facing Seokmin with a bright, charming smile almost scarily identical to the one he had given him when they first met.

“You still staying over at my place?”

Everything in him was screaming, shouting at him to run far away and never look back, to curl up his bed for the rest of eternity and to never leave. Another part of him feared what would happen if he actively went against Seungbin again, especially right now while he was in the car with no means of escape or a way to get back to his place as Seungbin drove them here.

“Sure hyung. Whatever you want.”

Seungbin gave another chilling smile before he leaned in and kissed him leaving a sour bitter taste in his mouth.

“Good.”

•••

Things never went back to normal.

A better phrase would be that thing never went back to how they were, because after that night Seokmin had no idea if normal even existed in their relationship. Seokmin went through every day of their relationship with fear coursing through his body, scared to anger his Seungbin in case he laid his hands on him again. The most extreme thing Seungbin had done was slap him across the face which left a bruise so big he had to lie to his friends and say he fell down face-first. It pained him to even look at his friends and talk to them while pretending that everything was okay and that he wasn’t hiding handprints and bruises under his long-sleeved tops. There were days that Seungkwan or Soonyoung would come up to him and ask to hang out, and he would enjoy their company for the first hour or so before dread fills him up thinking about Seungbin’s aggressive jealousy if he saw him. Then he would hastily excuse himself while still pretending to be as joyful as ever. It was hell.

The worst incident was the final one.

Seungkwan had managed to successfully drag him out of the confines of his house to hang out with him and Soonyoung. The fright of Seungbin hurting him had taken a toll on him and left him exhausted, the same exhaustion which allowed him to truly enjoy spending time with his friends after so many months spent worrying and crying himself to sleep. He had gone back to his dorm after to get started on some coursework he had to complete, thankful that his roommate had decided to stay somewhere else for the night meaning that he wouldn’t have anybody to distract him. 

After an hour had passed, there was an urgent knock at the door which was impossible for him to ignore. He went to open it thinking it was one of his friends and instead came face to face with Seungbin. He stood in shock for a couple of seconds before Seungbin pushed past him and made his way into the dorm as if it was his own. When Seokmin had finally collected himself he turned and followed him to where he was standing next to the desk that Seokmin used, turning everything upside down while he searched.

“Where’s your phone?”

Seokmin lifted a finger wordlessly to point at his coat pocket. Seungbin pounced on it and brought the phone out, entering the password that he had previously forced out of him. It was after he unlocked it that he started laughing in a frightening, unhinged way.

“So. You’re telling me you didn't see a single one of my messages? Didn't answer a single call?”  
“I-it was on do not disturb the whole day” he stuttered in response

Seungbin gave a rough chuckle before coming closer to him and waving the phone in his face.

“I told you to always answer me when I call. Instead, you put your phone on do not disturb!”

Seokmin stayed silent, looking down at his feet with his fists clenched at his side shaking with anger. He didn’t say anything to avoid letting out all of his vengeance on Seungbin.

“Huh? Answer me!”

He felt the sharp stinging pain across his face and slowly brought up a hand to clutch at his cheek, tears beginning to fill his eyes.

“You know, even your friend Soonyoung texted asking to come over, and I bet you would have let that little bitch in.”

The tears began to stream down his face, one by one hitting the floor pitifully.

“I swear sometimes, he’s almost as annoying as your other friend Seungkwan or whatever? That dumb bitch, I can’t fucking stand his-”

Seungbin’s next words were cut off by a hard slap to his left cheek. 

He stumbled back in shock before bending over to rest his hands on his knees and laughing maniacally. Seokmin looked at his own hand in shock before gulping in terror.

“Don’t talk about my friends like that. They mean more to me than you ever will”

Seungbin slowly raised himself to his full height and looked down at Seokmin with a deranged look in his eyes. He caressed Seokmin’s cheek so gently that one could be fooled into thinking he did it out of love, but this close up to him, Seokmin could see that his actions were all laced with a dangerous obsession. They stood there like that before Seungbin suddenly slammed Seokmin down onto the floor and wrapped his hands around his neck. 

“How dare you, how dare you even lay your hands on me, after all, I’ve done for our relationship, how dare you, how dare you, how dare you, how-”

Seungbin’s hysterical ranting faded from Seokmin’s hearing as he diverted all his energy into punching, removing the hands around his neck, trying to push Seungbin off of him so he could get oxygen into his lungs. If he was crying before, he was full-on weeping now, strangled grasps leaving his mouth in hiccups as he fought for his life. He wanted to beg, to plead, to weep for his life, that Seungbin would spare him just this once, but it was most likely impossible to reason with him at this point.

Just when he was losing hope, Seungbin’s body was thrown off him and air once again made its way into his lungs after being deprived of it for so long. He took greedy gulps, tears still streaming down his face before he started laughing pathetically turning his face to where Seungbin’s body was thrown. He saw his abuser on the floor being beaten by somebody while another person tried to stop them.

“Soonyoung-hyung?” he rasped

The beatings stopped and Soonyoung turned his head to face him before crawling towards him, tears in his eyes as he cradled his body on his lap. The other person who had entered the room was somebody that Seokmin vaguely recognised, yet his brain was unable to supply him an answer at that moment

“I’m so sorry Seokmin, hyung is so sorry please, please forgive hyung Seokmin please,” Soonyoung asked in between sniffles.

Seokmin held on to Soonyoung hungry for the warmth he had been desperately missing for the past six months he spent in painful agony.


End file.
